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I'm 14 weeks and 4 days pregnant and I've had a very difficult time not being hard on myself. I hate seeing the little bit of baby weight I'm already putting on, so far I have gained 4 pounds. I know that isn't much, and I know it's related to my sweet little baby in my womb, but it's crushing my spirit and keeping me from enjoying my time right now. I worked so hard to lose after I gave birth to my first born in October 2017. I suffered from PPD badly and fought very hard to lose weight and be happy. I have overcome PPD that lasted for 7 months, though it felt like forever. Through the depression and stress of being a first time mom, I managed to lose 50 lbs out of a goal of 155lbs. I was fat before I was pregnant, I just dont want to gain more and fall into depression again. I want to enjoy my babies and motherhood and not hate myself. I feel like the fattest one where ever I am. Especially with my fiances family, they are all so thin and fit, they all dress nice and are obsessed with taking family pictures. We have already taken 5 fucking family photos this year and the holidays are just now starting!!! They always make the girls stand in front of the guys, it sucks. I'm taller and 3 times bigger than my fiance. We always look ridiculous when they pose me in front of him. I feel personally attacked every time even though I don't think they are doing it on purpose..but how can his mom and sister not realize I'm so much fatter and I completely cover him up. It feels like a joke every time they make all the couples pose like that together. I know I should just get over it and not be envious of how Picture Perfect the other couples are. I hate that I compare myself to others. I try not to, I really do.
I'm just so disgusted by my fat. I can't look at my pregnant belly and think "oh how cute" because it's covered in fatty flabby nonsense. I'm currently in search of a therapist because I know I need help. I don't know if I should look for one that specializes in overweight people.. I don't even know if that is even a thing? And I don't even know if my insurance will help cover mental health... I just feel discouraged today.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2PqrWj6
