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This is a long story, something I’d been meaning to post for a while and finally worked up the courage to do. Last year, I went through a lot of personal issues combined with stress from school. My dad passed away which triggered an onset of severe depression, and my deteriorating relationship with school, work, friends, and family was beginning to take a huge toll on me. I ballooned up to a whopping 128 pounds by March 2018 from overeating (up to 2,500 calories a day), snacking at night, and having generally shitty eating habits from an equally shitty sleeping schedule. I know 128 may not seem like much, but I am only 5 feet tall and at that height, weight starts getting tricky; what would be a great number for someone who is 5’5 is not the same for someone who is only 5’. Being 5 feet tall and 128 lbs was a new high-and a great low for me. I felt like shit and looked like shit, and the stuff I was eating didn’t make me feel any better. I was addicted to junk food and frequently ventured out for the typical college “late-night” food: pizza, hot pockets, mac & cheese, burgers, you name it. The “college 15” was real.
The worst part is, I knew how shitty this lifestyle was and I didn’t make an effort to stop it. My family members would call me fat, and I ignored it by eating even more, telling myself they were just mean and ignorant. I actively searched out comfort food to make myself feel better and had severe bowel issues (going 5 days without the number 2, then having severe diarrhea for a week and a half) due to refusing to eat vegetables (a bad habit I’ve had all my life). I went up a whole pants size and even that was in danger of going up even more.
I knew I had to make a change when someone I hadn’t ever talked to posted a bad picture of me on their social media a couple of months ago, and made fun of me for being “fat and ugly”. As crappy as I felt about being gossiped about, their post gave me a wake-up slap in the face- I needed to change my lifestyle for the better. I began to limit my sugar and junk food intake, and made an effort to not snack at night. I found that intermittent fasting worked for me mentally. My day starts at 12 anyway so I allowed my feeding window to be 12-8 and I would not eat any time after 8. I began to eat from the healthy section of the dining halls- good, wholesome foods like spinach, carrots, salmon, and chicken breast. I learned to eat for fuel and not for boredom, and even developed a love for vegetables! (A huge success in my book, seeing as I retched at the sight of vegetables just 6 months ago) I had always been physically active on and off as a long distance runner, but I started going to the gym more frequently and focused on strength training as well as cardio. That combined with a healthy diet really made changes; a healthy diet is truly 90% of the journey.
I had a couple of slip-ups of course, and at one point almost developed nutritional deficiency from not including certain groups like carbs and fat out of fear mongering, but have since educated myself and today I focus on eating healthy carbs and fat like wild rice and mushrooms, instead of white rice and chocolates. I also slipped into undereating at one point due to sheer lack of knowledge at how this worked, but now I eat the amount of calories I must to survive and create a deficit at the same time.
Today, I am 116 pounds, which is the lightest I have ever been since middle school. I never thought I would be like this- healthier and happier. I bought Halal food to treat myself after a week of clean eating, and I used to be able to eat two bowls at once. Today, I couldn’t even finish half of it before my stomach acknowledged it was full! My binge eating habits have been destroyed, and I no longer overeat hurriedly like I used to.
Even though the scale does fluctuate at times, I’m making it a personal goal to reach 110 by the end of December and truly turn my life around for the better. My endgoal is to be comfortable enough to wear a swimsuit by June- something I’d never been able to do. My friends already tell me that I’ve lost a lot of weight and it makes me happy that my progress was not for naught. I will definitely update you guys once I reach my December goal, but I will also not beat myself up over every single milestone; I’ve learned that change is not immediate and that slow&steady wins the race. Loseit has been such a huge motivator, and I’m grateful for the community for promoting healthy habits instead of fad diets!
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