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Hi LoseIt,
I wanted to share something that happened recently,- not really a rant, but maybe? I was wondering if any of you had similar experiences. Confusing comments are the name of the game today.
For a bit of (necessary) background, in my family all women are overweight-to-obese. ALL. Before I learned about how losing weight works I was sure it was genetic because of that - now I know it's because of a family-wide complete lack of healthy habits. I broke the curse. I had to relearn everything on my own and work on my habits a lot, but I did it, I'm on my way to a healthy BMI - only a few pounds away! I am currently - by far - the lowest weight out of all the women in the family, my generation and older.
So recently we had a family gathering. I was sitting at the table, chatting, when one uncle looked straight at me and made a comment that he does not really like how girls want to look like now, all too thin, too thin to be healthy. You know, standard stuff, I don't even like or respect the guy, thought it was a bit creepy. And then my other uncle chimes in, and says that yeah, but looking at CousinA, Spheniscidine, CousinB, CousinC (we were all sitting at the table) that doesn't seem to be the case, they're not following that trend, luckily! Everyone nodded along.
At first, I thought that wow, ok, so I am going to have to deal with those 'you're getting too thin' comments and sabotage, starting strong real soon. Lovely. My dad has been on that train for the last 10 pounds already. But then it kept bugging me, and today I finally figured out why. I am still overweight, but nowhere near where I was a year ago, and nowhere near my cousins. I have changed, and worked hard at it. And still - I was in the lineup, right next to my three obese (one of them morbidly) cousins.
It feels like my efforts were invalidated in a couple of careless sentences - I know they actually were not, but you know, can't help but feel down. I am following 'that trend' (using his words, not mine), and somehow it's noticed and bad, and also not true? There's a chance that I was included as a 'courtesy' - the second uncle wanted to make sure I did not think I was getting 'too thin', in a very weird way? I'm confused, I feel like it smashed me from both sides - overtly suggesting I'm getting 'too thin', and making sure I know I'm still right up there with my obese family members. Like I am both too thin and just as obese as they are.
It hit harder than it should have, and maybe I'm reading too much into it, because I've been having real trouble with seeing results (I empirically know I'm much smaller, my eyes disagree), as a lot of people are here. I also realized it speaks volumes that I only figured out I no longer belonged in that sentence after the thing bugged me for a while. To hear something like that makes believing I'm still so big that little bit easier, and that's not good for me at all. I know what my goals are and what I want, but this has been mentally taxing.
Anyone with similar stories? How did you cope with people making you feel like you lost, and not in a good way? Advice?
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