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I’m new to reddit, this is my throwaway/ashamed account- please forgive me and correct me if I’m in the wrong place. I joined reddit a month ago after finally getting curious what my boyfriend was always talking about. I’m 25, female. I’ve been lurking on this page since I joined, amazed at before and after pics. I’m about 5’5 and I don’t know my weight right now. I haven’t owned a scale in probably three years, due to eating disorders in the past and abuse from my ex (that’s complicated) I used to look in the mirror at my love handles and think ‘wow I’m fat’. At the time I weighed 160. Then my mother got diagnosed with terminal cancer, my good friend took his own life, and my family disowned me (also complicated). I have been eating my feelings for three years. My anti depressants and birth control have significantly added to my weight gain. I developed stretch marks on my thighs, and my stomach. It’s extremely embarrassing and I hate all of it. My boyfriend (not abusive) and I have not been intimate in a year now, and I truly believe he loves me- but is no longer physically attracted me. I used to be stunning, and I don’t mean that in a stuck up way. I had luscious long hair, I was thin, I was happy. Now... I’ve chopped all my hair off because I’m too fat to comfortably brush long hair. I wear sweats and sweaters because seeing my arms and stretch marks makes me cry. And then when I cry I want to eat carbs. The cycle sucks. I reached my tipping point yesterday. My job requires occasionally restraining young adults (residential treatment) and I cannot comfortably sit still in jeans because the waistbands bite into my stomach and make me nauseous. I just bought these pants a few months ago at size 16, and they are already again, too small. I don’t know where this weight is coming from suddenly, I look 4 months pregnant. I even had a doctor confirm two months ago that I’m not preggers. I need this to change. I can’t wash my hair properly, I feel too large for restrooms, I have two closets of clothes ranging from size 6 (when I weighed 160) to size 16 and I don’t want to add any more digits. I ordered a scale in amazon, it will arrive Friday. I’m terrified to step on it. I’ve been heavily looking into Keto, but I’ve heard some horror stories. Please, reddit/ I need advice. How did you do it? Is it actually possible? Am I too far gone? How do I stop comfort-eating? I want my body back. I want to look good naked and be able to reach a top shelf without feeling every pound of fat on my frame shifting. Thank you, even just for reading. -one terrified and ashamed woman
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