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I was at 225 last I checked. Which is so funny bc when I was 190, I was like "I'm not gonna get to 200" then at 200 I was like "I won't pass 210" then at 210 I said "I will NOT pass 220." But here I am at 225. This isn't the heaviest I've been tho. I was at 230. I lost 5 lbs, yay me, but that was a month ago, last I checked and I've only been falling off the wagon since. Its so frustrating to suddenly not have motivation, or to HAVE motivation and not get of my lazy ass or to even just PUT down the freaking donut!!
I'm about to 20 in 2 months. I don't want to enter my prime feeling gross about myself, I've already spend my teens doing that: comparing myself to other girls my age, and height, wearing the big sweaters to hide my shit. I'm fairly pretty, I don't expect that if I get this boys will just be FALLING at my feet but idk I just feel so unwanted ALL THE TIME.
I think another part of me is just really scared bc I think I've always known I'm just kind of an asshole and a few weeks ago (maybe even when I fell off the wagon) I read a post about a guy who had everything like a good job, good friend, beautiful fiance, but felt fat. And then he lost all the weight and turned into an asshole and his friends left him, he left his gf, and he got fired for alcoholism... I'm a little afraid that I may end up like that, like my inner ugly will just seep into my pores and turn me into an even bigger monster than I've ever been before. Or even People think I'm pretty funny, what if I'm only funny bc I'm the chubby girl? Will I lose my sense of humor?... What do I become if I get healthy? Or maybe I'm just making excuses to not work out anymore.
Anyways I was lacking motivation, so I came here. Hoping to find some? Or maybe to see if I was the only one who felt this way or? Idk I'm just kind of reaching out. I've never posted on this subreddit before. I'm 225 right now at 19 and I want to be in the healthy weight range by the time I'm 21, which is 150-180 I believe (or AT LEAST 180). Idk how possible that Is to do in basically a year but I'm going to get as close as possible. Or if that's a goal I should even be trying for... I can do it. I know I can.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2Pqe8Fy
