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I have battled food problems all my life. When I was younger I never ate. I was being abused physically, emotionally, and worst of all sexually. After I was able to escape I started eating. A lot. I gained about 40 lbs to start with. Then I got married and my husband started hitting me. I gained and stalled at 215 lbs. it eventually came to light and we went to counseling and I dropped down to 149 lbs. I got counseling of my own and felt I had tackled my own demons from being abused. Things were going great. But then my dad died. He was such an asshole but for some reason it hit me hard. I had been talking to him on and off for years but I never visited him. I helped him out. He would call me “baby” and say he loved me and all sorts of things I never heard from him when I lived with him. He would talk to other people about how beautiful and smart I was. I tried to bring up the abuse and hurtful things he had said to me growing up but he insisted he didn’t want to talk about it. My last conversation with him he didn’t know who I was. He had been suffering from lung cancer for a couple of years and he had entered hospice a month before our last conversation. He asked if I would come see him. I told him I couldn’t. I was hurting still. I called him one last time and he told me to “take care of myself and that it would be the last time I talked to him”. I have since packed on weight and now I’m 200 lbs.
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