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I have gained 30 lbs in the past 3 years, and while I have never had a particularly great body image I can't stand to even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I took my family to Disneyland this summer, it was my youngest child's first time, and I don't even have any pictures of us together. I haven't weighed this much since I was pregnant with them, and I'm definitely not pregnant now. I can't remember the last time I felt any confidence while being intimate with my partner (who is amazing and always telling me how beautiful I am and how much they love me). I have a closet full of clothes I love that I can't wear anymore because they don't fit anymore.
I just want to feel pretty. I just want to feel like myself again. I hate being in this body. It doesn't even feel like mine anymore.
I keep trying to lose weight and I manage to drop a pound or two and then I spend a day eating everything in sight and I'm right back to where I started. I used to love eating healthy, and now the sight of a salad makes my stomach turn. I buy fresh fruits and vegetables and they just rot away in the fridge untouched as I order another pizza. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm sorry, I'm kind of just ranting. I just needed a place to talk about this.
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