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Hey r/loseit, I'm new here.
I came here today because I wanted to join this community, and get emotional support for my 100th attempt to lose weight. Thanksgiving is coming... and I am dreading it. Not because I think I will overeat and break my diet, I'm honestly not concerned about that. Because I probably will hardly eat anything, I'll be too upset and uncomfortable.
You see... I've been overweight so long I've developed such a strong case of body dysmorphia. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, I've become a reclusive hermit, only leaving the house to go to work. I can't stand to be around people, because my mind insists that everyone must be looking at me disgusted and grossed out, barely holding back the vomit. I can't stand to be touched because I just imagine they must be repulsed having to touch me. This feeling is so strong that the only time I ever see anyone socially anymore is holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.
We have dinner at my uncle's fancy colonial era mansion, with a long table in a cramped dinning room where everyone has to sit so close that I literally bump elbows with the people on either side. I have to squeeze my massive arse into a tiny chair with arms that bruise my hips by the time the night is over. I spent the entire time on the verge of tears, barely picking at my food, not making eye contact, and only stumbling through conversation when someone directly speaks to me.
It is the single most horrid and uncomfortable day of the year for me.
It's too soon now for me to lose enough weight to make it less uncomfortable. This year it will still be the same torture it is every year. But I am here today in hopes of ensuring that by this time next year, my heart wont be filled with dread for the holiday.
Yesterday was Day 1. Today is Day 2.
I downloaded an app to count my calories and other nutrition.
Yesterday I ate 1205 calories and I walked for 30 minutes. I'm too uncomfortable to walk in public, so I walked the length of my house from one side to the other, back and forth, listening to a podcast (All Work, No Play, if anyone's interested. it's hilarious, and laughter made the walking easier).
I didn't eat any candy, crackers, chips, cookies, or sugary Gatorade. I ate whole grains, fruits, vegetables and lean meats, and a bit of whole wheat pasta. (I am also trying to cut out a lot of sodium, because I've got high blood pressure and I eat a LOT of frozen meals and canned stuff that is super high in calories, carbs and sodium and super lacking in any other nutritional value).
Today I will do the same.
Next Monday I will walk 35 minutes. Then 40. Then 45. Then 50. Until I am walking an hour.
And I'm going to visit a used exercise store that isn't too far away and buy a Treadmill so I can walk easier, and even set it to be faster, or uphill, to get more of a resistance work out.
And maybe... when I've lost some weight I will feel comfortable enough to go for a walk outside... maybe.
I am going to do this. I'm tired of hating myself. I'm tired of feeling disgusted when I look in the mirror. I'm tired of not wanting people to touch or look at me. I'm tired of having to drive almost an hour to a fat girl clothing store because I can't find anything in my size in any regular department store or Goodwill.
I don't want Diabetes. I don't want to die of a heart attack before I am 50.
Thanks for reading. It's nice to meet you all.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2QqxczM
