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F. 26. SW:257 GW:180 Height 5'5
So I'm one of those people who has always been the 'big girl'. Not so much fat but much more curvy in places. I was heavily involved in sports....cheerleading, basketball, and tennis. So my body type has always carried a bit more weight, especially in the thighs and baby feeders. I learned to embrace it but also monitor it young, even prided myself on what my mom called a "baby bearing" bod lol. It was a fine line because it would be very easy for that natural curve to become natural flab.
Jump forward to college and the freshman 15. Oh yeah. It happened. It was up and down but I think I gained 20 lb, hit around 180 or so, then dropped a good 30 when I visited China for a study abroad. Came back and gained it from the stresses of college and having next to zero time to workout coupled with no kitchen in the dorms. 100% my fault though.
Because of my weight beigh distributed in an hourglass body type, no one ever believed me when I said I was 190-200lbs I cosplayed and never got any flack. And I think that being surrounded with that disbelieving nature caught onto me. I saw whatever they were seeing. There was almost too much body positivity surrounding me. I would work out on occasion and sometimes pick healthy meals but it was all maintenance, not fixing anything. I think the only reason I didn't get bad then was the fact that I would go out a lot. I was just active in general life. Working, going out, hitting the parks, and comic cons.
Jump forward again. Life was going good for a while until it wasn't. I moved in with a guy I met online. Older than me but we hit it off quick. We'd met a few times and had been dating a while but the distance was killing us even though it was just a few hours away. Yup. I'm dumb. Say it. I wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want to deal with my past traumas. He wanted me to be and act a certain way. He wanted a stay at home wife (not doable on our budget) so I couldn't work. I'd moved into a trailer from a brick home that I owned outright (yes...at 25 I owned a 3 bedroom house in middle of no where Oklahoma), and had to drastically cut back my standard of living. I hit a depression, no doubt about it. In the 6 months I lived with him, I gained upwards of 60lbs, most of it in the last 2-3 months because his car broke down and rather than getting it fixed, he just took mine to go to work. Just from doing nothing I gained fast. I avoided mirrors a lot because of the depression but I remember the day I looked over and saw all the stretch marks and really LOOKED at myself. That was a bad day.
Summing it up. The relationship started going south and toxic. I got out. Moved to Utah. I'm slowly building a relationship with someone else but I want to work on my happiness first. I'm enjoying my new life, as stressful as it can be sometimes. Got myself some dream puppers and want to take up hiking these mountains. I'm pretty much set except those stretch marks are still red and angry. Time to take control of the part of my life that I just let...go.
Not 100% sure what I expect to get out of here. Tips. Tricks. Sure. Maybe people to tell me that it's NOT okay all the time. I really do like my boyfriend but I want to strangle him when he tells me I don't need to lose weight and I'm perfect the way I am. He's also terrible at telling me no I don't need it. I wont be perfect when the medical bill comes in after a massive heart attack and I suddenly need insulin shots. I want to get back to that college weight of 180. See how I look and feel then and go from there.
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