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Just got done with a hot yoga class. Growing up fat, I always envied guys who feel comfortable just whipping their shirt off. Bikram studios are one of those places where it's socially acceptable.
I'm 80 pounds down from my heaviest weight (6', M, 270SW, 190CW, 170GW) and holding the most muscle I've ever had, and decided, "Fuck it. I'll do it," as a sort of celebration for my progress. I'm starting to look okay-ish with my shirt off while standing under certain lighting.
It might have been a mistake.
As anyone who's been fat or has loose skin knows (and especially men with gynecomastia), there are situations you spend your entire life avoiding. Bending forward while shirtless is perhaps the biggest one. My decision to go bare-chested in yoga class was basically just 60 minutes of that in front of beautiful people with beautiful bodies. This was in Hollywood.
It was utterly humiliating. I wanted to die. I began to catastrophize and spin. I thought about the disgust everyone around me must feel, being subjected to the ugly way my body hung and folded. I felt like the obese kid with manboobs at the pool party all over again--the kid who wore a shirt into the pool.
And then I remembered why I was there: to get healthier.
I focused on my breathing, the way my body's mechanics felt while flowing through poses, appreciated the strength and balance I have gained, and visualized the positive changes that will come once I lose the final 20 pounds and get to 10% bodyfat.
It sucks now, but it sucked worse before, and it will suck less later.
I've spent my entire life struggling with weight and body image, but I finally found a sustainable path forward, and I'm only a couple months away from achieving the body I've always wanted. It might not look exactly like I wanted it to, but if that truly bothers me, there are options.
And most importantly, when you lose fat, you lose a burden.
15 year-old-me walked around with 80 pounds more burden, literally dragging him down, making everything harder, torturing him psychologically.
Even getting out of bed is easier now. And soon, it'll be 20 pounds easier.
From there, I start a new journey to maintain and improve my health, but I'll do it with less weighing me down. I look forward to doing another shirtless yoga class then.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2AMQs5j
